I Am Ryan Reynolds | Screenplay by Billy Goulston [09.17.2014]

I AM RYAN REYNOLDS

Billy Goulston

UNITED TALENT AGENCY:

Peter Dodd, Max Michael

(310) 273-6700

For my family, friends, and Ryan Reynolds.

But mostly Ryan Reynolds.

A dirty mirror.

A face comes into focus. High cheekbones. Perfect stubble.

The slightest smirk.

The face of RYAN REYNOLDS, Sexiest Man Alive 2010.

But something isn’t right.

THE BRUNETTE (O.S.)

You’re not what I was expecting.

INT. THE DIVE - NIGHT

A seedy Brooklyn dive bar.

A TIPSY BRUNETTE -- the one who just spoke -- on a stool.

Next to her, the Canadian heartthrob sips a Bud Light.

But unlike the actor, this “Ryan“ has no charisma, possesses

a beer belly, and wears a PARKING VALET UNIFORM.

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

How’s that?

His voice less movie star, more mouth-breathing geek.

THE BRUNETTE

The voice, for one. It’s like --

do you have a cold or something?

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

Seasonal allergies.

THE BRUNETTE

Not to mention the fact that you’re

drinking Bud Light in this shithole.

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

Who doesn’t love the Dive?

THE BRUNETTE

Most people. Oh, and your body. I

thought you, like, worked out.

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

What you see is what you get.

THE BRUNETTE

That’s just it. What I see is what

I don’t get.

“Ryan“ downs his drink. Stands.

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

Shall we?

THE BRUNETTE

Wait, you want to leave with me?

But I’m just a regular person!

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

And I’m just a boy, standing in

front of a girl, asking her to go

to his place and bang.

He drops a handful of crinkled one-dollar bills on the bar.

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

So. Shall we?

EXT. THE DIVE - NIGHT

The brunette sizes “Ryan“ up in his valet uniform.

THE BRUNETTE

Costume for a role?

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

No.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

“Ryan“ and the brunette hobble towards a broken-down HONDA.

On the rear bumper, a peeling sticker: “Honk If You’re Horny.“

THE BRUNETTE

Sports car in the shop?

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

No.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT

A WORN-OUT BUILDING in the poor part of Brooklyn. “Ryan“ and

the brunette observe it in all its splendor.

THE BRUNETTE

Mansion under renovation?

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

No.

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INT. TINY STUDIO APARTMENT - NIGHT

Fast food wrappers all over. “Ryan“ and the brunette enter.

THE BRUNETTE

Is this some kind of prank?

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

What?

A moldy Domino’s pizza box on the floor. The brunette reacts.

THE BRUNETTE

Whatever. Let’s just do this.

LATER

The brunette and “Ryan“ are fucking. She rides him with the

passion of someone who’s seen The Proposal many times.

THE BRUNETTE

Yeah, like that. Just like that,

Lantern.

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

Excuse me?

THE BRUNETTE

Penetrate me, Green Lantern!

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

Do not -- don’t call me that.

THE BRUNETTE

(ignoring him)

There! Right there, Lantern!

Lanterrrnnnn!!

She moans. “Ryan“ breaks eye contact, not into it.

LATER

“Ryan“ naked under his bedsheets. The brunette, back in her

going-out outfit, straps on heels.

THE BRUNETTE

Ryan, last night was amazing.

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

My name isn’t Ryan.

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THE BRUNETTE

Sure. You’re not Ryan Reynolds,

and I’m not incredibly hungover.

“RYAN REYNOLDS“

I’m Phil. Phil Goodman.

He indicates his valet uniform on the floor. The name tag

reads: “Phil.“

THE BRUNETTE

Stop it. This isn’t funny.

PHIL

It’s the truth, is what it is.

The brunette regards him, inquisitively.

THE BRUNETTE

But if you’re not Ryan Reynolds,

who was I blowing last night?

PHIL

You were blowing me, Phil Goodman.

THE BRUNETTE

You’re freaking me out, man. You

swear you aren’t Ryan Reynolds?

Phil shrugs.

PHIL

I’m not Ryan Reynolds.

With that, the screen goes

BLACK.

BEGIN OPENING CREDITS SEQUENCE:

EXT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - DAY

A Colonial, twelve acre estate in Westchester.

RYAN (O.S.)

297. 298.

INT. EXERCISE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Filled with state-of-the-art, monogrammed equipment.

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Sweat coats the ripped, shirtless body of RYAN REYNOLDS --

the real one. He performs sit-ups with ease.

RYAN

(with each rep)

299. 300.

Ryan switches into high-speed bicycle crunches.

A TITLE SUPERIMPOSED:

I AM RYAN REYNOLDS

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Tasteful designer furniture.

Ryan activates speakerphone on a high-tech PHONE SYSTEM.

AGENCY ANSWERING MACHINE (V.O.)

If you’re a client of Mr. Hirsch’s,

please leave your name, number, and

a short message. If you’re not,

please fuck off.

A message TONE.

RYAN

Frank, it’s Ryan. Just checking if

the studio got back to you about

Lin.

The name “Lin“ irritates Ryan.

RYAN

Look, nothing against him. But I

don’t like the guy. Truth be told,

I dislike him very, very much.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Pristine hardwood floors and sparkling marble countertops.

Ryan dumps fruits, vegetables, and a small mountain of beige

protein powder into a blender.

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUED

Ryan continues recording the voicemail.

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RYAN

Yesterday, for instance. Lin films

this scene seventeen times because

he wasn’t satisfied with my, and I

quote, “refusal to put a shirt on.“

Seventeen times, Frank!

Ryan shakes his head, insulted by this.

RYAN

If people are paying to see me,

they should get to see me.

INT. EXERCISE ROOM - DAY

Earbuds in, Ryan jogs on a treadmill. Faster, faster...

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUED

Voicemail recording continues.

RYAN

The movie’s Untitled Ryan Reynolds

Zombie Action Romance Project. You

subtract the “Ryan Reynolds“ part

and what do you have left?

Nothing. Nada.

Ryan hangs up. END OPENING CREDITS.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Ryan guzzles down the beige protein shake.

BLAKE (O.S.)

How’s my little undead husband?

BLAKE LIVELY, Gossip Girl alum and Ryan’s wife, currently

sporting a couture business suit, glides in.

RYAN

Wishing he hadn’t risen from the

grave.

BLAKE

Movie problems, baby?

RYAN

I’ll survive. Or stay dead? Or

whatever zombies do, I’ll do that.

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Blake giggles. Ruffles Ryan’s hair.

RYAN

How about you, baby? That’s a

formal outfit for -- don’t tell me,

don’t tell me -- Vogue photo shoot?

BLAKE

Publisher meeting. For the memoir.

RYAN

Yes, of course.

BLAKE

We’re going over the proposal,

which I’ve now written. So...

progress.

RYAN

Sure.

He has no clue what she’s talking about. Blake notices.

BLAKE

Memoir? Meeting at Simon and

Schuster? The thing I’ve been

talking about for the past month?

RYAN

Month. Right.

BLAKE

You don’t know what I’m talking

about.

RYAN

I do... not.

BLAKE

But weren’t you listening to me any

of those times?

RYAN

Well, I -- no.

BLAKE

Not once?

RYAN

But I’m listening to you now! That

must count for something, Blake.

Blake sighs. Kisses Ryan on the cheek.

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BLAKE

It does.

EXT. MOVIE SET - PARKING LOT - DAY

A big production in the heart of Brooklyn.

Ryan exits his MASERATI CONVERTIBLE. Tosses his car keys to

a valet.

INT. HAIR AND MAKEUP - DAY

A HAIR DRESSER blow-dries Ryan’s hair. ANDREW LIN, a tightly

wound director, ambles in.

ANDREW

And how are we feeling today, Ryan?

Ryan fucking hates this guy.

RYAN

Better now that you’re here, Lin.

ANDREW

Then we’re on the same page? No

more delays?

RYAN

No more delays.

ANDREW

No more gratuitous stripping?

RYAN

No more gratuitous stripping.

Andrew holds out his hand. Ryan hesitates, shakes it.

RYAN

The show must go on.

ANDREW

And go on it shall!

EXT. ZOMBIE WASTELAND - DAY

Rubble and half-destroyed concrete buildings. Corpses in

tattered clothing strewn amongst the debris.

In ZOMBIE MAKEUP and a BUTTONED-UP SHIRT, Ryan collapses to

his knees, his performance cheesy and over-the-top.

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RYAN

How much longer til the vaccine

removes me from this forsaken

world?

EMMA WATSON, of Harry Potter fame, costumed as a British

human/non-zombie, helps Ryan to his feet.

EMMA

Not long enough, my love. Not

nearly long enough.

Ryan takes Emma’s hand.

RYAN

Samantha, I know my zombie heart

doesn’t have a pulse.

Ryan leans in, his face nearly touching Emma’s.

RYAN

But somehow I feel as though it’s

breaking.

EMMA

Oh, Braden!

She hugs Ryan. But he doesn’t hug her back -- he UNBUTTONS

HIS SHIRT.

ANDREW (O.S.)

Cut! Cut!

EMMA

Fucking A, Ryan. Again?

Andrew approaches.

ANDREW

Emma, take five.

Emma exits in a hurry.

ANDREW

Ryan, did we or did we not agree

you’d keep your clothes on?

RYAN

Did we? I can’t recall.

ANDREW

Any idea what the studio loses each

time you stop production?

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RYAN

Well, those suits will lose all of

their money if --

ANDREW

If what, you don’t expose yourself

in every scene?

RYAN

Exactly, Lin. The American

public’s not gonna fork out a

hundred mill for some crappy action

horror romance plot line.

ANDREW

Then inform me: what will they pay

for?

RYAN

Explosions. And ritualistic zombie

sex. And other, bigger explosions.

Ryan undoes his remaining shirt buttons.

RYAN

And these.

Ryan indicates his eight-pack abs.

RYAN

And this.

He indicates his face.

RYAN

And sometimes all this other stuff.

He indicates the rest of his body.

EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - DAY

On a street adjoining the set, Ryan, now clothed, screams

into his iPhone.

RYAN

Can you -- look, just tell Frank

that Ryan Reynolds called.

INT. HONDA - CONTINUOUS

Phil, Ryan’s PUDGY LOOK-ALIKE from before, bangs the screechy

car radio. He turns onto the street where Ryan is.

10.

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EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - CONTINUOUS

As before, Ryan on the phone.

RYAN

Ryan fucking Reynolds. Got that?

He hangs up, pockets his iPhone. Down the street, Phil in

his Honda.

INT. HONDA - CONTINUOUS

As he passes by, Phil stares at Ryan. Ryan stares at Phil.

EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - CONTINUOUS

Ryan, eyes wide, mouth agape, as the Honda drives by -- he

spots the car’s “Honk If You’re Horny“ bumper sticker.

Suddenly, Phil revs the engine and the Honda speeds off.

RYAN

What. The. Fuck.

INT. MASERATI CONVERTIBLE - NIGHT

Ryan drives through Westchester. Knuckles white on the

wheel. His expression one of utter terror.

Ryan rolls through a stop sign, never decelerating.

INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - FOYER - NIGHT

Ryan, face in a sweat, studies his reflection in an entry

mirror. He touches his face. Contorts it. Scrutinizes it.

RYAN

Water...

The reflection suddenly waves hello. Ryan blinks -- the

reflection returns to normal.

RYAN

Must drink water...

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Blake tosses a salad. Ryan hurries in.

11.

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BLAKE

Ryan! You’ll never guess what

happened.

Ryan moves to the fridge. Retrieves a bottle of Evian.

Consumes it in a single swallow.

BLAKE

So I’m at Simon and Schuster. And

Lucian, the VP who decides whether

they publish my memoir --

Ryan takes another bottle of Evian. Gulps it down.

BLAKE

He looks me in the eye and says --

Another bottle, another gulp. Blake notices.

BLAKE

You okay, baby? You look like you

saw a ghost.

RYAN

Something like that.

Blake gives Ryan a concerned look.

RYAN

I’m fine! A little thirsty, yes.

But fine. We were talking about...

BLAKE

Lucian.

RYAN

Yes, Lucian.

BLAKE

Okay, so he says to me, “I’ll come

right out with it. We would love

to publish your memoir.“

RYAN

It’s happening?

BLAKE

It’s happening!

Blake squeals with delight.

BLAKE

Oh, yeah! He -- Lucian -- he also

came up with the best title.

12.

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RYAN

Yeah?

BLAKE

Lively.

RYAN

Like your last name.

BLAKE

It’s more than that.

RYAN

But it’s also your last name.

BLAKE

Ryan, I want my memoir to be full

of life. I want my fans to feel

energized when they read it. I

want them to think, “Now, I too

aspire to be lively.“

RYAN

Which, crazy coincidence, is also

your last name.

BLAKE

Yes! It’s also my last name!

(defensive)

Well. Lucian loves the title.

RYAN

The title he came up with.

Blake crosses her arms.

RYAN

Baby, I’m teasing! I’m sure it’ll

be a wonderful novel --

BLAKE

Memoir.

RYAN

Right. So... we should do

something to celebrate.

BLAKE

Oh! Dinner tomorrow?

RYAN

Perfect. Meet you after work.

13.

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BLAKE

Yay! I’m so excited!

Ryan grabs yet another Evian. Swigs it down.

BLAKE

God, Ryan. You sure you’re okay?

RYAN

I’m fine! Just, you know, work

stuff, have to hydrate. Nothing to

worry about.

Blake regards him for a moment and resumes salad tossing.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Blake asleep, Ryan awake on his iPad. He minimizes a clip of

himself chopping wood in The Amityville Horror.

QUICK CUTS OF RYAN GOOGLE SEARCHING FOR:

- “celebrity look-alikes“

- “doppelganger hallucination“

- “Ryan Reynolds Halloween mask“

- “long-lost twins“

Blake shifts around, half-awake.

BLAKE

Baby, why aren’t you asleep?

RYAN

It’s nothing. Go back to bed.

She does. He Googles one last item: “clone science.“

EXT. MOVIE SET - ZOMBIE WASTELAND - DAY

On a bench in front of a desecrated park, Ryan, back in

zombie makeup, and Emma Watson.

EMMA

It’s odd, Braden. You might be a

reanimated corpse, but it wasn’t til

I met you that I knew how it felt.

RYAN

How what felt?

14.

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Emma stares off, emotional.

EMMA

To be alive.

Ryan focuses on something offset -- his STUNT DOUBLE. Emma’s

reaction suggests this isn’t scripted.

EMMA

Ryan.

Ryan blinks. The stunt double’s face becomes his own.

EMMA

Ryan!

Ryan gets up from the bench and blinks again. The stunt

double’s face reverts to normal.

ANDREW (O.S.)

Cut! Cut!

EMMA

Fantastic, Ryan. Just fantastic.

As Emma storms off, Andrew approaches. Chucks his headset

onto the ground. Stomps it into nothingness.

ANDREW

Fuck this fucking crap! Fuck it!

Fuck fuck fuck it!

RYAN

Easy, Lin.

ANDREW

Easy? After you wasted another --

He checks his Rolex.

ANDREW

-- forty-five minutes of

production?

RYAN

But I kept my shirt on.

ANDREW

Oh, yes! And let us all praise the

great Ryan Reynolds! For he has

kept his shirt on during one

fucking scene!

15.

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RYAN

Thanks?

ANDREW

I am done for the day! Finished!

Au revoir, Reynolds! Au revoir!!

INT. RYAN’S SET TRAILER - DAY

It could house a large family.

Ryan peruses an Us Weekly. ON THE COVER, pictures of him

above a HEADLINE: “The Many Faces of Ryan Reynolds.“

FRANK HIRSCH, Ryan’s hefty, balding, and suit-wearing agent,

lumbers in.

FRANK

Hey, buddy. How’s the shoot?

RYAN

Not good, Frank. But you already

knew that. Given that you’re here.

Frank chuckles. Ryan isn’t sure he made a joke.

FRANK

We have got to get you back into

comedy, kiddo.

RYAN

You get my voicemails?

FRANK

I did.

RYAN

And are they canning Lin?

Frank squeezes into a chair, getting down to Ryan’s level.

FRANK

It’s complicated.

RYAN

How is it complicated?

FRANK

Well, the studio’s actually more

concerned with your behavior. They

can’t afford to lose another day of

production.

16.

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Ryan sets the Us Weekly aside.

FRANK

And Lin, well, the studio likes

him. The producers like him --

RYAN

I don’t like him.

FRANK

Yes, yes. I heard your messages.

Ryan moves to the trailer window.

RYAN

It’s him or me, Frank.

FRANK

I know you don’t mean that. This

is fifteen million, we’re talking

here.

RYAN

Minus your ten percent.

OUT THE WINDOW: Phil, Ryan’s schlubby look-alike, in his

parking valet uniform, heading toward the parking lot.

RYAN

Hold that thought.

EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY

Ryan scans the lot. Looks to his right. Looks to his left.

But Phil is GONE.

Ryan slaps a nearby car.

RYAN

Dammit! God dammit!

Frank catches up with him, chuckles.

FRANK

Woah! Down boy!

Frank’s demeanor suddenly serious.

FRANK

Two weeks left in production, Ryan.

Don’t mess it up.

17.

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EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - NIGHT

Ryan exits the movie set in his Maserati.

EXT. THE DIVE - NIGHT

Ryan drives past the Brooklyn dive bar. Nearby, Phil’s Honda

with its “Honk If You’re Horny“ bumper sticker.

Ryan notices the car and reverses back.

INT. MASERATI CONVERTIBLE - CONTINUOUS

Parked behind the Honda, Ryan puts up his convertible top.

Hides his face behind his sun visor. Turns on his iPhone.

INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Blake at a table alone in a fancy restaurant. A WAITER

approaches.

WAITER

Anything to drink while you wait?

BLAKE

Some water would be great.

Sparkling.

The waiter exits.

Blake’s phone BUZZES. A text from Ryan: “running late. work

stuff.“ She reacts.

BLAKE

Sir?

The waiter returns.

BLAKE

Scratch that water. Can I have a

vodka soda? And -- actually, can

you hold the soda?

INT. MASERATI CONVERTIBLE - NIGHT

Ryan taps on his steering wheel, bored.

Phil and the brunette from earlier emerge from the Dive.

Through an opened car window, Ryan listens.

18.

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THE BRUNETTE

You throw me out of your apartment,

you don’t text me back, you say

you’re not Ryan Reynolds --

PHIL

For the last time, I’m not Ryan

Reynolds!

THE BRUNETTE

Whatever. Asshole.

She stomps off. Phil gets in his car and drives away.

Ryan follows.

INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Blake now several vodka shots in, visibly drunk. A waiter

removes her empty shot glasses.

WAITER

Anything else? Perhaps that water

you requested.

BLAKE

I would like more alcohol please.

WAITER

Yes... right away.

The waiter leaves.

Blake’s phone BUZZES. She picks up.

BLAKE

Ryan, where are --

LUCIAN (V.O.)

Hello Blake. Lucian Werner. Simon

and Schuster.

Lucian speaks with a thick GERMAN ACCENT.

BLAKE

Oh! Lucian! How are you?

LUCIAN (V.O.)

Very well. But regarding your

memoir, I fear --

BLAKE

Is there a problem?

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LUCIAN (V.O.)

No, not at all. Rather I insist we

move forward with it. Promptly.

Are you available tomorrow

afternoon?

BLAKE

I’ll clear my schedule.

LUCIAN (V.O.)

Splendid.

BLAKE

And where should I meet you and the

other VPs?

LUCIAN (V.O.)

Only you and me, my dear. I like

to know my writers... personally.

BLAKE

Oh.

LUCIAN (V.O.)

Then shall we say four? McNulty’s

in the Village?

Blake considers this, glances at the empty seat next to her.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT

Ryan locks his Maserati in front of Phil’s APARTMENT

BUILDING. The Honda parked close by.

Ryan makes his way toward the building.

INT. TINY STUDIO APARTMENT - NIGHT

Phil inhales a Taco Bell burrito. A BANG on the door.

RYAN (O.S.)

Open the door! It’s Ryan Reynolds!

Phil continues eating. Another BANG -- a louder one.

RYAN (O.S.)

I only want to talk, not break down

your door. Which, by the way, I

could easily do.

Phil groans, puts down his burrito.

20.

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LATER

Ryan interrogates Phil at a filthy little coffee table.

RYAN

Who are you?

PHIL

Whatever you think this is, it

isn’t.

RYAN

Are you my clone?

Phil shakes his head.

RYAN

A physical projection of my

subconscious?

Phil shakes his head.

RYAN

Are you me... from the future?

Ryan regards Phil’s schlubby body with horror.

RYAN

Oh my God. In the future, do I

stop exercising and dieting?

PHIL

No. I’m just -- I’m Phil. Phil

Goodman. An ordinary valet parker.

RYAN

Who happens to have my fucking face.

Phil plays coy.

PHIL

Woah! My face does kind of look

like yours!

RYAN

Exactly like mine. To the pore.

PHIL

Agree to disagree?

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RYAN

Dude, do not screw with me. I’m

two hundred pounds of lean muscle,

and I’ve been trained to fight in

seven different movies.

Phil sighs.

PHIL

I was told to avoid this situation

at all costs.

RYAN

Who? Who told you to?

Phil opens his wallet. Hands Ryan a black BUSINESS CARD.

RYAN

(reading)

Dr. Vladimir Grebenschnikov,

Physiognomic Reconstruction

Specialist?

PHIL

He’s the best, and as far as I’m

aware, only doctor in his field.

RYAN

But what does this guy have to do

with you and the fact that you have

my fucking face?

PHIL

Believe me, he’s the one you want

to talk to. But, Ryan --

RYAN

Yeah.

PHIL

(ominous Yoda impression)

Once you start down the dark path,

forever will it dominate your

destiny.

Ryan gives him a look.

PHIL

Not a Star Wars fan?

RYAN

Who the hell are you.

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PHIL

I’m the tip of the iceberg.

INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Blake waits, frowning, still a bit tipsy. Ryan trudges in.

BLAKE

Did you have a nice night?

RYAN

Baby, I got held up with --

BLAKE

“Work stuff“?

RYAN

Exactly.

BLAKE

Ryan, for once -- for once, could

you not lie to me?

RYAN

What are you talking about?

BLAKE

It’s always “work stuff“ this or

“work stuff“ that. You can’t

possibly be working all the time.

RYAN

(under his breath)

Well, at least I’m still a working

actor.

BLAKE

I beg your --

RYAN

Nothing. Forget it.

BLAKE

No, please. Finish that thought.

RYAN

It’s nothing, Blake! I’m going to

bed.

He makes his way to the door.

BLAKE

“Work stuff“ tiring you out?

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RYAN

No. Wife stuff.

He exits.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

On his iPad, Ryan skims through Dr. Grebenschnikov’s run-of-

the-mill WebMD profile. Blake slips into bed.

BLAKE

Baby, I’m sorry. It’s just --

RYAN

I know. Don’t worry about it.

Let’s go to sleep.

Blake gazes deeply at Ryan, clearly worried about him.

BLAKE

I love you, Ryan.

RYAN

Love you too.

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

Ryan approaches a corporate office building. He double-

checks the business card.

INT. GREBENSCHNIKOV MEDICAL PRACTICE - WAITING ROOM - DAY

A drab waiting room, currently empty.

MARTA, 60ish, a hostile Russian lady, mans a reception desk

that includes a “No Walk-Ins“ sign. Ryan barges in.

RYAN

I’m here to see Dr. Grebenschnikov.

MARTA

Name?

RYAN

Ryan. Ryan Reynolds --

MARTA

We do not tolerate that kind of

humor, mister.

Nothing in Ryan’s voice indicated he was joking.

24.

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MARTA

Now, one more time -- your name.

RYAN

Ryan Reynolds.

MARTA

We do not tolerate that kind of

humor! If you’d like to finish

your stand-up routine, I suggest

you do so elsewhere.

RYAN

But I have to talk to the doctor.

MARTA

Do you have an appointment?

RYAN

No, but --

She gestures to the “No Walk-Ins“ sign.

MARTA

No walk-ins.

RYAN

I only need five minutes.

MARTA

No walk-ins.

RYAN

Can I sit and wait? Or is there a

rule about that?

MARTA

Go for it. But no walk-ins.

RYAN

So I’ve heard.

Ryan takes a seat. Next to him, a stack of magazines. Each

one with a Ryan Reynolds image on its cover.

Ryan grabs a GQ magazine. A TALL FELLOW enters -- the man

has RYAN’S FACE.

RYAN

No... another?

Ryan rubs his eyes, blinks -- the man still has Ryan’s face.

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RYAN

No way. No fucking way.

Suddenly, another LOOK-ALIKE enters. And ANOTHER. And

ANOTHER. Each a different size -- but all with Ryan’s face.

Ryan stands. Marta points to the “No Walk-Ins“ sign.

RYAN

I’m walking in, whether you like it

or not.

INT. MCNULTY’S - DAY

A trendy tea shop in the West Village. Blake and a WELL-

DRESSED MAN in the back of a long line.

BLAKE

I feel like -- like, I have a story

that needs to be told. You know?

The man is LUCIAN WERNER. He too has RYAN’S FACE.

LUCIAN

Indeed I do.

Blake eyes Lucian -- there’s an elegance to him. His German

accent and always present SCARVES certainly help.

BLAKE

Wow, Lucian. It’s weird...

LUCIAN

Something the matter, my dear?

BLAKE

Your face. It’s so familiar.

LUCIAN

Well, we have convened previously.

BLAKE

No, that’s not what I meant.

LUCIAN

What did you mean?

BLAKE

Do people tell you that you look

like anyone? Like a celebrity.

LUCIAN

You would be the first.

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BLAKE

Not to change the topic to

something dumb. But --

LUCIAN

Not at all. What interests you,

interests me.

BLAKE

Oh, well -- oh! Oh, I got it! You

look like Ryan! How did I not

notice this before.

This catches Lucian off-guard. His shoulders scrunch up.

LUCIAN

Ryan?

BLAKE

Gosling. Ryan Gosling.

Lucian relaxes -- Blake doesn’t detect his likeness to her

husband.

LUCIAN

You think I look like Ryan Gosling.

BLAKE

Don’t worry. It’s a compliment.

INT. GREBENSCHNIKOV MEDICAL PRACTICE - CONSULTATION ROOM - DAY

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV, 60s, dyed jet black hair, unpeels

bandages off a PATIENT’S FACE.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Good, very good.

He rubs the patient’s face -- now the SPITTING IMAGE OF RYAN.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Swelling is down. You should be

completely healed in a few weeks.

PATIENT

Dr. Grebenschnikov.

The patient’s voice that of an OLD CHINESE MAN.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Yes, Mr. Deng?

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PATIENT

I have waited many years for a new

life in the United States. And

your surgery, doctor -- it has

given me that new beginning.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

You’ve certainly waited long

enough, my friend.

The patient hugs Dr. Grebenschnikov.

PATIENT

I would cry if my tear ducts were

not swollen shut.

The patient heads out, crossing past Ryan.

RYAN

You’re Dr. Grebenschnikov?

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Sir, if you’ll please stay in the

waiting room until --

RYAN

I don’t have an appointment.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Then you’ll have to leave. We

don’t accept walk-ins. Did Marta

not tell --

Marta yells in from outside the room.

MARTA (O.S.)

I told him!

RYAN

She told me. Also tried to stop

me.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

I see.

RYAN

But unfortunately she’s a sixty-

year-old woman, so that didn’t work

out.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

What did you say your name was?

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RYAN

I didn’t. Ryan. Ryan Reynolds.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Get out! We do not tolerate that

kind of humor in this office.

RYAN

No joke, doctor. It’s the truth.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Why should I believe you, Ryan?

Assuming that’s even your name.

RYAN

Well, I don’t know what your

patients pay for this.

Ryan indicates his face.

RYAN

But you can’t pay for these.

He lifts his shirt, revealing his sculpted abs.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

I wouldn’t know.

RYAN

Let me give you my word then. I am

the real Ryan Reynolds.

The doctor inspects Ryan. Perceives no dishonesty.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Hmm. It does appear so.

The doctor motions for Ryan to follow him out the room.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

I knew this day would come.

EXT. WEST VILLAGE STREET - DAY

Having taken their teas to-go, Blake and Lucian stroll around

the West Village.

BLAKE

Have you always wanted to be a

publisher?

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LUCIAN

I certainly enjoy the profession.

But may I be candid?

BLAKE

Please.

LUCIAN

More than anything, I hope to

acquire a wife -- an intelligent,

passionate, sexually liberated,

blonde wife.

BLAKE

You’ve never been married?

LUCIAN

I have yet to discover a suitable

mate.

He gazes intently at Blake. She sips her tea, ignoring the

overt romantic tension.

LUCIAN

And you, my dear, have you always

desired to be a writer?

BLAKE

Me? A writer? You should tell

that to my husband.

LUCIAN

But it is you writing this memoir,

correct?

BLAKE

Correct.

LUCIAN

And this memoir, am I not

publishing it?

BLAKE

You are.

LUCIAN

That is more than most so-called

“writers“ can say.

BLAKE

Wow. Yeah, I guess it is.

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LUCIAN

Then, by the authority of Simon and

Schuster, I dub thee a writer!

BLAKE

I am! I’m a writer!

Blake smiles at Lucian.

INT. GREBENSCHNIKOV MEDICAL PRACTICE - HALLWAY - DAY

On the walls, medical certificates interspersed with Ryan

Reynolds headshots.

Dr. Grebenschnikov and Ryan mosey on through.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Ten grand.

RYAN

What is?

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

You mentioned my fee. My patients

pay ten grand.

RYAN

Ten grand to look like me.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Yes.

This offends Ryan.

RYAN

That’s... all? That sounds low.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

I’m not a greedy man, Ryan.

RYAN

Well, this isn’t Michael Cera’s

face we’re talking here. This is

my face. Me! Sexiest Man Alive

2010!

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

But you weren’t always Sexiest Man

Alive. When I developed the

procedure in 1993 --

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RYAN

Why would you -- I mean, I wasn’t

famous until the late nineties.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

And for years, I was very poor.

RYAN

But don’t you do other procedures?

Boob jobs, lipo, et cetera.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Once upon a time. Before I

discovered my niche.

RYAN

Your Nietzsche?

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

My niche. My little place in the

world of plastic surgery.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY

The doctor hands Ryan a binder. He opens it.

INSIDE THE BINDER: patient BEFORE-AND-AFTER IMAGES. All the

after images are of Ryan.

RYAN

I’m your niche.

Dr. Grebenschnikov nods.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

I am the world’s sole Ryan Reynolds

cosmetic specialist.

Ryan takes this in and SLAMS the binder shut.

RYAN

No.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Yes, Ryan. Yes.

RYAN

This is my face, man. Who the hell

do you think you are.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

What are you gonna do? Sue me?

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RYAN

I’m considering it.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

On what grounds?

RYAN

The grounds of liberty.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Scream about freedom all you want.

But I own the copyright to your

face.

RYAN

Bullshit. That doesn’t exist.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

It does, Ryan. I own your face.

And there’s nothing you can do about

it.

Ryan is livid.

RYAN

I am going to sue the crap out of

you, old man.

INT. MASERATI CONVERTIBLE - DAY

As he heads down Park Avenue, Ryan’s iPhone BUZZES -- a new

VOICEMAIL. Ryan listens through his car sound system.

FRANK (V.O.)

Studio called. Said you didn’t

show up today. Buddy, you know you

have to go to work or else --

Ryan turns off his phone, comes to a BARNES AND NOBLE.

INT. BARNES AND NOBLE - CHECKOUT - DAY

Ryan buys a stack of COPYRIGHT LAW BOOKS from a young woman.

Aren’t you that movie guy? Ryan

something?

RYAN

Yeah.

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I loved you in Crazy, Stupid, Love.

RYAN

That was Ryan Gosling.

Oh.

INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Books all around. Ryan sprawled out on the floor, reading.

QUICK CUTS OF RYAN RESEARCHING COPYRIGHT LAW:

- Ryan reads a book with TEENY TINY TEXT. Sets it aside.

- Ryan underlines a passage in a book with a HUGE FONT.

- Ryan contemplates something.

- Ryan flips through a book as he jogs on the treadmill.

- Ryan underlines again -- the book now TOTALLY UNDERLINED.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Ryan speaks on the phone system.

RYAN

Look, can you tell Frank -- tell

him that I heard his voicemail.

He paces back and forth.

RYAN

But that right now, I need the

agency to assemble a team of

lawyers. Copyright lawyers. For

Ryan Reynolds. Understand?

EXT. SIMON AND SCHUSTER OFFICES - NIGHT

Lucian and Blake linger in front of the publisher offices.

BLAKE

Well, this is your stop.

LUCIAN

It is.

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BLAKE

Thanks again for the chapter notes.

LUCIAN

But of course.

BLAKE

And the conversation.

A moment of awkward silence. Lucian extends his hand. Blake

shakes it. They continue shaking over:

BLAKE

I should head out.

LUCIAN

Me too.

BLAKE

Me as well.

LUCIAN

Same here.

The handshaking finally ceases.

BLAKE

Today was nice.

LUCIAN

It was.

Lucian smolders with lust.

INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Working double-duty on his note taking, Ryan highlights an

already very underlined book.

Blake comes in, stows her jacket in the closet.

BLAKE

Baby, how was your --

She stumbles over a copyright law book.

BLAKE

Where’d you get all these books?

RYAN

Bookstore.

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BLAKE

Why did you get all these books?

RYAN

For the -- for my character. In

the movie.

BLAKE

The zombie action romance movie.

RYAN

The producers want Braden to feel

more three-dimensional or something.

More real. More true to life.

BLAKE

The zombie.

RYAN

Yeah.

She gives him an incredulous look as she removes her earrings.

BLAKE

And the producers -- they wanted

you to research copyright law?

RYAN

Among other things, yes.

BLAKE

Huh.

RYAN

Yup. So, how was your day?

Anything fun or exciting happen?

Blake pauses for a moment, remembering the handshake.

BLAKE

Not really. Just normal, boring

memoir things.

But Ryan doesn’t hear her, too focused on highlighting.

RYAN

That’s nice, baby.

Frustrated, Blake marches into the bathroom.

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INT. TALENT AGENCY - HALLWAY - DAY

Trendy to the point of sterility. Ryan and Frank make their

way through.

FRANK

I have a meeting in one minute.

RYAN

Frank. I’m your biggest client.

FRANK

Good point. Two minutes.

RYAN

So what did the lawyers find out?

FRANK

Before I answer, I need you to

promise --

RYAN

You need me to promise? What is

this -- the fourth fucking grade?

Frank chuckles. Ryan remains silent.

FRANK

But seriously, kiddo, you have to

promise me that no matter what I

tell you, you’ll go to work today.

RYAN

Sure, whatever. I promise.

FRANK

I hope so. You miss another day and

you’re off the movie. The studio’s

talking to Mark Wahlberg.

RYAN

Marky Mark?

FRANK

Yep.

RYAN

But this is Untitled Ryan Reynolds

Zombie Action Romance Project. If

you get rid of the “Ryan Reynolds“

part --

FRANK

I know. I told the studio that.

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RYAN

Then yes! Fine! I promise! Now,

about that copyright.

Frank stops short of the conference room.

FRANK

Ryan. This doctor, Gorbachev --

RYAN

Grebenschnikov.

FRANK

Whoever he is, what this guy’s

doing is apparently legal.

RYAN

Bullshit.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

A conference room with glass walls. Frank grabs a seat.

Ryan lingers in the doorway.

FRANK

I thought so too. But turns out

there’s some copyright clause -- a

loophole if you will -- that was

tacked onto the Patriot Act.

RYAN

Loophole? The fuck does that mean?

FRANK

I don’t have time for the details.

But essentially, this doctor -- he

owns your face.

RYAN

No. You’re lying.

FRANK

I’m afraid not.

Ryan angrily pounds a wall -- it VIBRATES menacingly.

RYAN

Dammit! God dammit!

FRANK

Look, I know it’s tough, but --

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RYAN

What.

FRANK

Please go to work today. This

isn’t worth ruining your career.

But Ryan isn’t listening, already calculating his next move.

EXT. MOVIE SET - PARKING LOT - DAY

Andrew Lin, the director, assails Ryan near the valet parkers.

ANDREW

Look who decided to show up!

But Ryan ignores him and heads toward the shittier cars

across the lot.

ANDREW

Enjoy your time off, Ryan? Hope

you got some well-earned rest.

Not looking back, Ryan raises both hands and flips off Lin.

Ryan approaches Phil’s Honda. Taps on the window.

Inside, Phil lights up a joint.

INT. RYAN’S SET TRAILER - DAY

Ryan slides Phil a SHOOTING SCRIPT for Untitled Ryan Reynolds

Zombie Action Romance Project.

PHIL

Can’t do it.

RYAN

Can’t? Or won’t.

PHIL

First of all, I don’t know how to

act --

RYAN

You’d only be replacing me for the

rest of the shoot. Two weeks,

tops.

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PHIL

To repeat myself, I don’t know how

to act. Besides, why do you need

me?

RYAN

There’s something I have to do.

And, Phil, anyone can act. You’ve

seen movies, right?

PHIL

A few hundred. Monthly.

Ryan is shocked.

RYAN

You see a hundred movies every

month.

PHIL

Few hundred. Valets have lots of

free time. Perk of the job.

RYAN

Wow.

PHIL

But what about my quirky, insecure

personality? Nobody will believe

I’m Ryan Reynolds.

RYAN

Make them believe. As of today,

you’re an actor.

Phil sees his reflection in a trailer mirror, the smallest

glint of confidence in his eyes.

PHIL

And my job -- Ryan, I can’t just

quit my job. These other valets,

they depend on me.

RYAN

I’ll pay you five hundred thousand

up front and another two fifty

after production.

Phil’s jaw slackens in astonishment.

PHIL

Dollars? Seven hundred fifty

thousand dollars?

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RYAN

Of course, dollars. I’m not paying

you in pesos, amigo.

PHIL

Show me the money!

RYAN

Yes?

PHIL

Jerry Maguire.

(then)

Never mind.

RYAN

So we have a deal.

PHIL

Obviously, we have a fucking deal.

That’s a shit ton of money.

RYAN

Okay, great. But there’s one thing

we have to do. To seal the deal.

Ryan pulls his shirt over his head. Phil’s eyebrows rise.

EXT. RYAN’S SET TRAILER - DAY

Ryan and Phil emerge, having switched outfits -- Ryan in the

valet parking uniform, Phil in Ryan’s trendy actor clothing.

RYAN

Before I go, Phil, one question.

PHIL

Okay.

RYAN

Why’d you do it?

PHIL

Do what?

RYAN

The surgery.

PHIL

You don’t know? I wanted to get

laid.

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RYAN

You use my face to get into girls’

pants?

PHIL

Bingo.

RYAN

No, that can’t be all. There must

be another explanation.

Phil shrugs.

PHIL

That’s it, man. Why else would

anyone do it?

INT. SIMON AND SCHUSTER - LUCIAN’S OFFICE - DAY

The blinds drawn, Lucian lurks behind the seated Blake.

LUCIAN

Here is another instance. When you

write about your first encounter

with Ryan.

He points to a passage in her typed chapter draft.

BLAKE

Do you not like how it’s written?

LUCIAN

No, I had not meant -- no, it is

perfectly well written. But it is

almost as if -- as if you are

reporting rather than giving us

your perspective.

BLAKE

My take on being lively.

LUCIAN

Indeed. You describe your husband

in almost technical terms.

Producing a -- what one might call --

a “literary distance“ between the

two of you.

BLAKE

That sounds bad.

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LUCIAN

Blake, when you revise this

chapter, I want to know how your

husband made you feel the first

time you met. I want to know what

ideas were racing through your head

the first time you kissed.

Lucian pauses, pointedly.

LUCIAN

The first time you made love.

BLAKE

Isn’t that kind of personal?

LUCIAN

It is personal, my dear. It is

your memoir. Say it to me, “This

is my memoir.“

Blake balls her fists, summoning her confidence.

BLAKE

This is my memoir.

LUCIAN

Louder.

BLAKE

This is my memoir.

LUCIAN

Louder!

BLAKE

This is my memoir!

LUCIAN

Shout it! I want the sci-fi

offices to close their doors.

BLAKE

This is my memoir!!

Suddenly, Lucian grabs Blake by the cheeks and thrusts her

lips towards his. For a split second, Blake holds the kiss.

But she pulls away.

BLAKE

Lucian, I -- I love Ryan. I have

to stay true to my husband.

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LUCIAN

But Ryan -- does he stay true to

you?

Blake’s ambivalent expression answers his question.

INT. GREBENSCHNIKOV MEDICAL PRACTICE - WAITING ROOM - DAY

Empty, other than Marta at reception. Still in the valet

parking uniform, Ryan marches in.

MARTA

When is your --

RYAN

I don’t have an appointment.

Marta gestures to the “No Walk-Ins“ sign.

MARTA

No walk-ins.

RYAN

Yes, I’m well aware of your policy.

MARTA

Yet you stand there with the

confidence of a man who believes he

can talk to the doctor without an

appointment.

RYAN

Tell Dr. Grebenschnikov Ryan

Reynolds hired copyright lawyers.

And they found a loophole... in the

loophole.

Marta gasps.

MARTA

Impossible.

RYAN

Apparently not.

Marta runs out. Ryan scans the room -- he’s all alone.

He slides on LEATHER GLOVES. Hurdles over a reception

partition. Scurries to a FILING CABINET.

Ryan flips through various files: tax reports, medical

insurance information, etc.

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But not what he’s looking for.

EXT. MOVIE SET - ZOMBIE WASTELAND - DAY

Phil in full zombie makeup. His legs shake. Fingers fidget.

Emma snickers.

EMMA

Somebody’s tweaking.

PHIL

You’re talking... to me?

EMMA

Woah. I didn’t know Ryan Reynolds

was capable of being nervous.

PHIL

Emma, I -- may I call you Emma?

EMMA

Can’t see why not.

PHIL

I have to tell you something.

EMMA

Okay.

PHIL

I’ve never acted before.

Emma laughs.

EMMA

Hey, don’t beat yourself up.

You’ve had your moments. After

all, where would the world be

without Van Wilder?

PHIL

I’m not -- Emma, I’m being serious.

I’ve never acted in my entire life.

Emma laughs again.

EMMA

God, I don’t know why, but that hit

harder the second time.

Andrew approaches, headset on.

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ANDREW

You got that shirt fastened on

tight, Ryan?

PHIL

Yes?

ANDREW

So we’re good to go? You won’t be

wasting any more production time?

Phil gulps, scared shitless.

PHIL

I hope not.

LATER

Phil lies on a large chunk of rubble, breathing heavily.

Emma kneels beside him.

EMMA

Braden. Braden, look at me.

Phil stares into Emma’s eyes.

PHIL

Oh, Samantha. Beautiful, beautiful

Samantha.

Despite the hokey dialogue, Phil’s acting is masterful.

EMMA

Yes, Braden. I’m here for you.

Phil’s expression grows distant.

PHIL

Samantha. As consciousness drifts

away from me, like the wind that

blows off the ocean waves, I

realize --

EMMA

My love, what is it? What is your

realization?

Phil struggles to withhold tears.

PHIL

I realize that eternity in hell is

worth it. Because of those few

hours I spent with you.

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Emma crumbles onto Phil’s chest and cries.

ANDREW (O.S.)

Cut! My God -- cut!

Andrew approaches, tearful as well.

ANDREW

Ryan, you’ve... transformed.

PHIL

Thank you, Mr. Lin.

Emma holds Phil’s fingertips to her dewy cheeks.

EMMA

My tears -- these are real. All of

our tears are real.

Phil’s eyes dart OFFSTAGE: the whole crew watches, choked up.

Emma embraces Phil.

EMMA

(whispered)

I don’t know what’s been going on

with you the past few days. But

you, Ryan, you are a revelation.

Everyone on set bursts into SPONTANEOUS APPLAUSE.

INT. GREBENSCHNIKOV MEDICAL PRACTICE - DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY

The doctor at his desk. Marta, frantic, across from him.

MARTA

Says he found a loophole... in the

loophole!

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Impossible.

MARTA

That’s what I said.

INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY

Ryan forages through the filing cabinet, folders and papers

littered everywhere.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV (O.S.)

What are you doing?

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The doctor and Marta appear across the reception partition.

RYAN

Taking back what’s rightfully mine.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Yours? Ryan, I own the copyright

to your face. There is no loophole

in the loophole.

RYAN

Obviously not. I needed Marta out

of the room. Basic misdirection.

The doctor glares at Marta. Marta glances down at her feet.

Ryan removes some DOCUMENTS from the filing cabinet.

ON THEM: a HEADER -- “Grebenschnikov Medical Practice“ -- and

a LIST of names and addresses.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

You can’t take that! That’s our

patients’ contact info. That’s

highly classified information.

RYAN

Yeah? Maybe you should call the

cops and report a robbery.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Maybe I will.

RYAN

Cool. Just don’t forget to tell

them that their suspect’s only

identifiable feature is a face he

shares with all of your clients.

The doctor rubs his chin, pondering this.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

But Ryan, even with those names,

what do you hope to achieve?

RYAN

Undoing what you’ve done.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

How?

Ryan holds up the list.

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RYAN

I’ve got seventy three people on

this list who view the world

through my eyes -- literally.

They’ll understand my pain.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

You think my patients will alter

their appearances out of sympathy

for you?

RYAN

That’s right.

The doctor and Marta burst into laughter.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Ryan, these people paid a hefty

price for your face --

RYAN

A price that’s nowhere near what it

should be.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Still, they chose to look like you.

They went out of their way to do

so. You won’t convince them to

change -- not one of them.

RYAN

Perhaps. But, you know, if that

doesn’t work, I do have millions of

dollars with which to bribe them.

The doctor and Marta exchange nervous looks. Documents in

hand, Ryan climbs over the reception partition.

RYAN

I’ll be heading out now -- unless

you’d like to try and stop me.

Dr. Grebenschnikov blocks Ryan’s path to the door.

RYAN

Though do keep in mind that I’ve

honed this body to muscular

perfection.

The doctor steps aside.

RYAN

That’s what I thought.

49.

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EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

Ryan pumps the air with his fist, reveling in his victory.

RYAN

I own my face! I own my face!

Ryan’s phone BUZZES, momentarily halting his victory dance.

The phone’s screen reads: “37 New Voicemails.“

INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Blake deposits her purse on the coffee table and listens to a

new VOICEMAIL on the phone system.

FRANK (V.O.)

Buddy! Left a couple voicemails on

your cell. Anyhow, the studio’s

happy you’re back on set. Very

happy.

Blake reacts, worried -- she didn’t know Ryan skipped work.

FRANK (V.O.)

Not sure what you did yesterday

during that day off to turn it

around. All I know is, Andrew Lin

used the phrase “flashes of Brando“

when he spoke to the studio

tonight. I’m feeling good about

this, kiddo.

The color drains out of Blake’s face.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Ryan strides in, energized, stolen documents jutting out of

his valet uniform pockets. Blake angrily tosses a salad.

BLAKE

How was work? You seem perky.

RYAN

Pretty good.

BLAKE

So then, better than yesterday.

RYAN

About the same. Par for the

course.

50.

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BLAKE

Really? It was the same as

yesterday? Not better or worse?

RYAN

You’re in an inquisitive mood.

Everything alright, baby?

Blake increases the vigor of her salad tossing.

BLAKE

Also, what’s with that valet

uniform? Or those documents?

RYAN

Costume and script notes. We’re

redoing a scene tomorrow, and I

wanted to stay in character.

BLAKE

And there’s nothing else you want

to tell me about work yesterday.

Nothing at all.

RYAN

Not that I can think of, no.

Blake scowls at Ryan.

RYAN

You sure you’re okay? Did that

Luke guy give you any feedback on

the book?

BLAKE

Lucian.

(pointed)

And about the same. Pretty good.

Par for the course.

Blake stops salad tossing.

BLAKE

Oh yeah. Frank left you a message.

RYAN

He did?

BLAKE

Said you were great on set today.

She departs in a haste. Ryan observes her, curiously.

51.

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RYAN

Someone’s hormonal.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Blake nudges Ryan’s sleeping body. No response. She slips

out of bed and finds the valet uniform.

Blake removes the stolen documents from the pants pocket and

skims through them.

At the end, a name: “Lucian Werner.“

INT. SIMON AND SCHUSTER - LUCIAN’S OFFICE - DAY

Lucian draws the blinds. Sits at his desk, opposite Blake.

LUCIAN

I should apologize for the other

day, but --

BLAKE

Let’s pretend it never happened.

LUCIAN

I cannot pretend. And I will not

apologize.

BLAKE

Lucian.

LUCIAN

I will not! I love you, Blake. I

have since the first time we

discussed metaphoric language and

its uses in nonfiction.

He takes her hand -- she pulls away.

BLAKE

But we’re involved professionally.

Can’t we just pretend --

LUCIAN

I refuse. I could never lie about

us.

BLAKE

Guess that makes one honest man in

my life.

52.

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LUCIAN

Ryan?

BLAKE

This whole week he’s complained

about “work stuff.“ But last night

I heard a message from Frank.

LUCIAN

His agent.

Blake nods.

BLAKE

Ryan skipped work and didn’t tell

me.

LUCIAN

When?

BLAKE

Two days ago. And he’s got these

documents that he claims are script

notes. Only, they’re some doctor’s

patient names and addresses.

LUCIAN

What? Why does he have those?

BLAKE

No idea. Your name was at the end

though.

This startles Lucian.

LUCIAN

It was likely another -- you see,

Werner is exceedingly common in

Germany and --

Blake doesn’t perceive Lucian’s anxiety, too upset to notice.

BLAKE

You were right about Ryan, Lucian.

You were completely right.

On the verge of tears, she blows her nose into a tissue.

LUCIAN

I am so sorry.

BLAKE

Thought you weren’t going to

apologize.

53.

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Lucian smiles. Blake blows her nose again.

EXT. SUBURBAN RESIDENCE - DAY

A one-story house in suburbia.

On the porch, Ryan consults his stolen list -- the first

name: “Donald Anderson.“

Ryan rings the doorbell. MRS. ANDERSON, 50s, opens the door.

MRS. ANDERSON

Can I help you?

RYAN

Mrs. Anderson?

MRS. ANDERSON

Yes.

RYAN

I’m here to talk to your husband,

Donald.

MRS. ANDERSON

Donny’s my son. And who are you?

RYAN

Ryan Reynolds.

Mrs. Anderson stares at Ryan, somewhat skeptical.

INT. FAMILY ROOM - DAY

A cozy, simple room.

Mrs. Anderson pours tea for Ryan. Across from him, one of

his LOOK-ALIKES: DONNY, 14, shy.

MRS. ANDERSON

Not that we don’t enjoy your

company, Ryan. But why are you

here?

RYAN

I needed to talk to Donald --

MRS. ANDERSON

Donny.

54.

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RYAN

Yes, I needed to talk to Donny.

About something we have in common.

MRS. ANDERSON

The surgery.

Ryan nods.

RYAN

As an actor, my face is my

business. My livelihood. My

identity. And I can’t let --

MRS. ANDERSON

We’re so grateful.

Ryan wasn’t expecting that kind of response.

RYAN

You’re... grateful?

MRS. ANDERSON

Yes.

RYAN

For what?

Mrs. Anderson closes her eyes.

MRS. ANDERSON

It happened almost a year ago.

LATER

Mrs. Anderson pours Ryan more tea and finishes up a story.

MRS. ANDERSON

The fire killed Donny’s father and

took our old home. Doctors said

ninety percent of Donny’s face was

burned. Ninety percent. You know

how a boy feels when he’s got no

hair and a face covered in scars?

RYAN

I -- I don’t.

55.

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MRS. ANDERSON

Best case scenario, doctors told

me, Donny wouldn’t be able to go

outdoors for a decade to avoid the

sun. Worst case, he might never

leave the house.

Ryan listens, on the edge of his seat.

MRS. ANDERSON

Now, Donny’s a shy boy. Quiet as

they come. And I knew that after

he was burned -- I knew that Donny

would retreat. Deep into himself.

He wouldn’t experience life like

the other kids at school.

Mrs. Anderson takes Donny’s hand.

MRS. ANDERSON

But then we learned about Dr.

Grebenschnikov and his

extraordinary procedure.

Mrs. Anderson smiles, stifling deep emotions.

MRS. ANDERSON

Ryan, your face -- your face saved

my boy’s life. If it wasn’t for

your face --

She glances down, shaking off the nightmarish thought. She

looks up at Ryan.

MRS. ANDERSON

Your face gave us hope, Ryan.

DONNY

(mustering courage)

Thank you, Mr. Reynolds.

Donny runs over and gives Ryan a HUG.

DONNY

Thank you so much.

Ryan reacts -- genuinely moved, overcome with emotion.

MRS. ANDERSON

I’m afraid I’ve forgotten -- what

is it you wanted from us?

Conflicted, Ryan looks at Mrs. Anderson, then Donny. He

sighs.

56.

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RYAN

Seems I also forgot. Thanks for

the tea, Mrs. Anderson. Enjoy the

face, Donny.

EXT. SUBURBAN RESIDENCE - DAY

Ryan waves goodbye to Donny and his mom. He takes out his

list, crosses off “Donald Anderson“ with a pen.

INT. SIMON AND SCHUSTER - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Blake, seated at the table, as Lucian indicates a giant board

covered in plastic.

LUCIAN

Ready?

BLAKE

Ready.

LUCIAN

Very well. Three, two, one --

He removes the plastic, revealing a giant glossy poster.

ON THE POSTER: an IMPRESSIONISTIC DRAWING of Blake, half

nude, covered in Autumn foliage.

AT THE BOTTOM IN CURSIVE:

LIVELY

Blake Lively

BLAKE

What is it?

LUCIAN

Your memoir cover!

Blake stares in wonder, mesmerized by the book cover.

LUCIAN

Do you like it? We mocked it up

this morning so if you don’t --

BLAKE

It’s incredible.

Blake goes to the cover and traces her fingertips over her

drawn-on lips.

57.

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BLAKE

Lucian.

LUCIAN

Yes, my dear?

BLAKE

I love it.

LUCIAN

Splendid.

INT. EAST VILLAGE APARTMENT - DAY

A hipster studio apartment.

Ryan on a sofa next to another LOOK-ALIKE. He eyes the look-

alike’s chest -- this person has BOOBS.

TRANSGENDERED LOOK-ALIKE

Before the surgery, I was so mixed

up. A psychological wreck. I’d

always felt like a man trapped in a

woman’s body.

Ryan nods politely.

TRANSGENDERED LOOK-ALIKE

But your face -- it let me show the

world who I’d always been on the

inside.

Ryan reacts, moved by the look-alike’s story.

TRANSGENDERED LOOK-ALIKE

Because of your face, I could

finally become the person I was

born to be. Thank you, Ryan.

The look-alike HUGS Ryan.

EXT. EAST VILLAGE STREET - DAY

Ryan crosses off the list’s second name: “Jordan Coolidge.“

BEGIN RYAN/BLAKE INTERCUT MONTAGE:

INT. RETIREMENT HOME - DAY

Ryan HUGS a WHEELCHAIR BOUND LOOK-ALIKE who, other than his

Ryan Reynolds face, appears at least eighty-years-old.

58.

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INT. SIMON AND SCHUSTER - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Blake and Lucian HUG in front of the mocked-up memoir poster.

He points to the door, makes a “let’s go for a walk“ motion.

EXT. RETIREMENT HOME - NIGHT

As he heads to the retirement home parking lot, Ryan checks

his list -- several names have been crossed off.

EXT. CENTRAL PARK BENCH - NIGHT

Lucian pensively underlines a passage in Blake’s memoir. He

holds up the paper: the underlines form a smiley face.

Blake giggles.

INT. RYAN REYNOLDS SUPERFAN BEDROOM - DAY

Ryan Reynolds movie posters and pictures dot the walls. Ryan

signs a Blade: Trinity poster for a dorky SUPERFAN/LOOK-ALIKE.

Ryan HUGS the superfan.

EXT. MCNULTY’S - DAY

At the tea shop, Lucian lays his hand on Blake’s. She leaves

it there for a second, then removes her hand.

EXT. RURAL STREET - DAY

Ryan scans his list -- most names now crossed out.

INT. SIMON AND SCHUSTER - LUCIAN’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Blake hands Lucian a THICK, FULLY DRAFTED MANUSCRIPT. He

feigns being weighed down by its bulk.

INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT

Ryan blows out birthday candles with a HAIRLESS CANCER

PATIENT/LOOK-ALIKE. Ryan HUGS the patient.

END MONTAGE.

59.

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INT. LUCIAN’S APARTMENT - DINING ROOM - DAY

Posh. Manuscripts in neat piles.

Lucian and Blake drink red wine at his dining table. He

raises his glass.

LUCIAN

A toast to you, my dear.

BLAKE

It’s only a draft.

LUCIAN

Playing the humility card?

Blake smiles coyly.

BLAKE

You know what? I can’t toast to

that.

Blake raises her own wine glass.

BLAKE

A toast to you, Lucian. Without

you these pages would be blank. Or

at least badly written.

LUCIAN

Very well -- I will counter your

toast with another toast.

BLAKE

You can’t do that!

LUCIAN

Can and will.

He raises his glass.

LUCIAN

A toast to...

His voice trailing off, Lucian glances amorously at Blake.

BLAKE

You can’t do that either! You have

to finish. You can’t just start a

toast and not finish it.

LUCIAN

And why not?

60.

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BLAKE

That’s against toast etiquette!

Blake feigns being upset.

LUCIAN

Yes, you are quite right. Very

well. A toast... to us.

They drink. A bit of wine lingers on Lucian’s chin.

BLAKE

You got a little on --

Lucian tries to wipe it off, but Blake stops him.

BLAKE

No. Let me.

She tenderly napkin dries his chin stubble.

LUCIAN

I don’t think you got all of it.

BLAKE

I don’t think so either.

She dabs at his stubble once more. They stare into each

other’s eyes.

EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - DAY

Phil and Emma Watson head down the street adjoining the set.

EMMA

Your performances this week -- I’ve

never seen anything like them.

PHIL

I was just acting. Trying to, at

least.

EMMA

That wasn’t acting. I’ve seen

acting, and that wasn’t acting.

PHIL

How do you mean?

EMMA

What that was -- that was

metamorphosis.

61.

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Phil sighs.

PHIL

Oh, Emma.

EMMA

Yes, Ryan?

PHIL

I can’t lie to you anymore.

EMMA

Go on.

Phil stuffs his hands in his pants pockets.

PHIL

I’m not Ryan Reynolds.

EMMA

Right, since you’re still in

character. You’re still Braden.

Phil shakes his head.

PHIL

No. My real name is Phil. Phil

Goodman. I took over for Ryan a

little while back.

EMMA

But that face --

PHIL

I paid a plastic surgeon for this

face months ago.

EMMA

You can’t be serious. Aren’t you

Ryan Reynolds, action star and

frequent romantic lead?

PHIL

I’m Phil Goodman, valet parker and

frequent guy who watches movies.

EMMA

But if you’re not Ryan Reynolds,

that means --

She swoops in for a KISS. Phil steps back, surprised.

62.

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PHIL

Hold on... aren’t we... shouldn’t

we not --

EMMA

Shut up and deal.

PHIL

Like that line from The Apartment?

EMMA

You’ve seen The Apartment?

PHIL

A dozen times. Huge Billy Wilder

fan.

Emma gazes at Phil, melting a little.

EMMA

That’s my favorite movie.

She reels Phil in by the shirt collar and kisses him.

EXT. EAST VILLAGE - DAY

In front of a brownstone, Ryan checks his list. Every name

crossed off except for one: “Lucian Werner.“

INT. LUCIAN’S APARTMENT - FOYER - DAY

The doorbell RINGS.

Lucian opens the door, revealing Ryan.

RYAN

I take it you’re Lucian Werner.

LUCIAN

That is correct.

RYAN

I’d like to talk to you about --

Blake emerges from the dining room.

BLAKE

Ryan?

RYAN

Blake, what are you doing here?

63.

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BLAKE

Ryan, this is Lucian. He’s been

helping me with the memoir.

RYAN

Him? This is Luke?

BLAKE

Lucian.

RYAN

Pretty sure you said his name was

Luke.

BLAKE

Pretty sure you weren’t listening

the multiple times I told you his

name was Lucian.

Lucian holds out a hand, trying to ease the tension. Ryan

does not accept the hand.

LUCIAN

Lovely to meet you, Ryan. I have

heard so much about you.

RYAN

Well, I’ve heard nothing about you.

Ryan glares at Lucian.

BLAKE

Why are you here, Ryan?

RYAN

Why am I here? Why are you here?

BLAKE

Lucian wanted to celebrate me

finishing my memoir draft. And I

asked you first. So why are you

here?

RYAN

You can’t figure it out? Look,

Blake -- look at his face.

Blake glances at Lucian.

BLAKE

Yes?

64.

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RYAN

Doesn’t he -- don’t you think he

looks like someone you know?

BLAKE

There is a sort of Gosling

resemblance.

RYAN

Ryan Gosling?

BLAKE

Yes.

LUCIAN

I have gotten that before.

RYAN

(ignoring Lucian)

No, Blake. He resembles me. His

face is my face. Mine!

Blake scrutinizes Ryan, then Lucian, then Ryan again.

BLAKE

I don’t see it.

RYAN

How can you not -- he paid for a

surgery. To look like me. What do

you think these documents are?

He wields the list of names and addresses.

BLAKE

You said those were script notes.

RYAN

I lied. This is a list of plastic

surgery patients.

BLAKE

Wow, Ryan. That’s the first honest

thing you’ve said in weeks.

Blake marches to the door.

RYAN

Where are you going?

BLAKE

What do you care? Don’t you have

“work stuff“ to worry about?

65.

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RYAN

As a matter of fact, I do.

They both stomp out of the apartment, leaving Lucian alone.

LUCIAN

Well, this was nice.

EXT. RYAN’S SET TRAILER - DAY

Ryan tries the trailer door handle -- it’s unlocked.

INT. RYAN’S SET TRAILER - DAY

Phil and Emma huddled on a couch, scared. Ryan shifts back

and forth, arms crossed.

RYAN

No, please repeat it one more time.

I must’ve misheard.

PHIL

I don’t think I should.

RYAN

Yeah? Because what I thought I

heard you say -- it sounded like a

fucking joke.

Phil summons his courage and stands.

PHIL

I’m not leaving the movie.

EMMA

Phil’s actually quite brilliant. A

young Olivier.

RYAN

Emma, shut the hell up.

PHIL

Hey, don’t talk to her that way.

RYAN

This isn’t about her, Phil. This is

about me. And you. But mostly me.

EMMA

If it wasn’t for Phil, you’d have

been off the movie weeks ago.

66.

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RYAN

Well, if it wasn’t for me, Phil

would be a poor valet parker riding

my good looks into a bunch of

tramps’ panties.

EMMA

That’s not true.

Ryan pauses, stares at Emma.

RYAN

Oh -- oh my God. Did he ride his

way into your panties?

Her silence speaks for itself. Ryan snickers.

RYAN

Oh, Emma. Emma, Emma, Emma.

PHIL

Laugh all you want, Ryan. I’m

staying on the movie.

RYAN

Don’t hold your breath. If I talk

to the studio for five minutes --

EMMA

The studio hates you.

RYAN

Then the producers --

EMMA

The producers hate you.

Ryan mulls this over.

RYAN

Then I’ll talk to my fucking agent!

Just you wait -- this is Ryan

Reynolds you’re up against.

Ryan marches to the door and adds, with a flourish:

RYAN

Ryan fucking Reynolds.

INT. TALENT AGENCY - FRANK’S OFFICE - DAY

Frank at his desk. Ryan in the doorway, clearly frustrated.

67.

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FRANK

Soon as they realized this guy

wasn’t you, everyone kind of took

to the idea.

RYAN

Great! Now tell everyone I’m still

on the project.

FRANK

Look, kiddo --

RYAN

No, Frank. Don’t tell me “look.“

Tell me I’m still on the project.

FRANK

Would if I could.

RYAN

Have you spoken to the studio?

FRANK

I have.

RYAN

And the producers.

FRANK

Them as well.

RYAN

Then you’ve convinced them to keep

me.

Frank sighs and shakes his head.

FRANK

Studio’s going public with the

casting change on Monday.

RYAN

What?

FRANK

I’m sorry, Ryan. I tried. I

really did.

RYAN

I don’t want to hear about fucking

trying, Frank. I want to hear about

staying on a movie whose working

title has my fucking name in it.

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FRANK

The thing is, Phil’s easier to work

with. He’s cheaper. He’s more

generous with his representation --

RYAN

Well, I’m a bankable movie star and

-- what did you say?

FRANK

Which part?

RYAN

The last part.

FRANK

Phil’s more generous with his

representation?

RYAN

Yeah. Why do you know that?

Frank bows his head, afraid to meet Ryan’s gaze.

RYAN

Frank, why do you fucking know that?

FRANK

You see, Ryan, he --

RYAN

You signed him, didn’t you?

Frank smiles, tongue-tied.

RYAN

What’s the cut? Thirty percent?

Forty?

FRANK

(quietly)

Fifteen.

RYAN

You shat on my career for fifteen

percent of a valet parker.

Ryan shakes his head in disbelief.

RYAN

Unbelievable. Un-fucking-

believable.

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INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Blake sets her marked-up memoir manuscript on the counter.

Picks up a recent Us Weekly, flips through it to...

A FULL PAGE PICTURE: Phil -- wrongly labeled as Ryan -- and

Emma kiss on the street outside the movie set.

A CAPTION AT THE BOTTOM:

“Stars -- They’re Just Like Us!

They Commit Adultery With Their Co-Workers!“

EXT. GARAGE - NIGHT

Ryan departs his Maserati. Blake appears with a suitcase.

RYAN

You will not believe what -- what’s

with the suitcase?

BLAKE

I’m going.

Blake opens up the trunk to her SUV. Tosses in the suitcase.

RYAN

Where?

BLAKE

Anywhere but here.

RYAN

Why, baby?

He touches her arm gently. She brushes it off.

BLAKE

I’m not your baby, Ryan.

RYAN

Baby, what’s going on?

Blake SLAMS the trunk shut.

BLAKE

I’m not your baby! Okay? I’m not

your fucking baby!

INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Packed bags near the fridge.

70.

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Ryan shuffles in. Blake tosses him the Us Weekly, open to

the Phil and Emma picture.

RYAN

It’s not what it looks like.

BLAKE

Liar.

RYAN

You think I’m having an affair?

With Emma Watson?

BLAKE

No, I don’t think you’re having an

affair. I know what my husband

looks like, and I know that’s not

you in the picture.

RYAN

Then what’s wrong? Talk to me.

BLAKE

That picture was taken this week.

RYAN

Okay. Meaning what?

BLAKE

Meaning you weren’t at the shoot

this week and probably not last

week either. And in that message

that Frank left a while back, he

said you missed work earlier. For

all I know, you’ve never been on

set.

She tries to head to the garage. But Ryan stands in her way.

RYAN

Don’t go. I can explain. All

these people -- they had this

surgery --

BLAKE

The surgery that makes them look

like you. You told me.

RYAN

I had to stop them, Blake. They’re

ruining my life.

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BLAKE

Why? Because their faces look a

little like yours?

RYAN

Exactly like mine! To the pore!

BLAKE

Well, who cares if a few people

have your face? Big deal.

RYAN

Not a few -- seventy three. Any

idea how important an actor’s face

is?

BLAKE

I’m an actor too, you know.

RYAN

Yeah, sure. You were.

BLAKE

Oh, I am done with this.

She tries to move past him again. But Ryan doesn’t budge.

RYAN

There’s no way you’re leaving me

because of a few fibs. There’s got

to be another reason.

BLAKE

Another reason?

RYAN

Yeah.

BLAKE

How about the fact that for a month

you didn’t realize I was writing a

memoir even though I told you about

it every single day? How about the

fact that even before you started

lying you still put “work stuff“

before me?

RYAN

No, there has to be something else.

Something you’re not --

Ryan realizes something.

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RYAN

No. No, you didn’t. You didn’t

fall for someone else. No way.

Blake looks away, as she picks up her purse.

RYAN

Who is he? Is he -- is it Luke?

BLAKE

His name is Lucian!

RYAN

Have you fucked him?

BLAKE

No, I haven’t fucked him. Wanna

know why?

RYAN

I have a feeling you’re about to

tell me.

Blake reacts -- even now, Ryan’s still a total asshole.

BLAKE

I didn’t have sex with Lucian

because I stupidly believed in our

relationship -- because I stupidly

believed in you, Ryan. You know

how it feels to be disappointed in

the person you love most?

RYAN

Like you’re... stupid?

Blake shakes her head, finally moves past Ryan.

RYAN

But he’s just me with a German

accent and eccentric scarves!

Blake stops short of the door.

BLAKE

Ryan, I assure you with every fiber

of my being: if Lucian were anything

like you, I wouldn’t go near him.

Not now. Not ever.

Blake storms out. Ryan looks on, devastated.

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INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

Ryan angrily brushes his teeth.

He stops, spits, and beholds his reflection in the mirror. A

LUCIAN-LIKE SCARF suddenly appears.

Ryan punches the mirror, shattering it.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Hand bandaged, Ryan makes a protein shake. He dumps fruit,

vegetables, and protein powder in the blender.

And... a PBR TALLBOY. And another PBR. And another.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

Ryan, drunk and with unsightly stubble, BURPS as he flips

through channels on his huge HD TV.

ON TV: BLAKE SHELTON speaks with a contestant on The Voice.

Shelton now has RYAN’S FACE.

BLAKE SHELTON (ON TV)

I’m not here to change you, man.

I’m here to support you --

NEW CHANNEL: ALEX TREBEK, now with RYAN’S FACE, delivers a

question on Jeopardy.

ALEX TREBEK (ON TV)

Built in Boston in 1723, this house

of worship is also --

NEW CHANNEL: LEBRON JAMES, in a post-game interview, his

WHITE RYAN REYNOLDS FACE contrasts with his skin.

LEBRON JAMES (ON TV)

No doubt, the triple-double feels

good. But I’ve felt that feeling

before and --

Ryan turns off the TV.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Ryan, beard thicker, watches a “Ryan Reynolds Shirtless Movie

Scenes“ YouTube video.

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He finishes off a PBR. Reaches for another beer -- but his

24-pack is EMPTY.

RYAN

Shit.

INT. MASERATI CONVERTIBLE - NIGHT

Ryan carouses down a street in NYC’s Meatpacking District.

REYNOLDS LOOK-ALIKES NOW EVERYWHERE:

- A POLICE OFFICER with Ryan’s face directs traffic.

- A FRUIT VENDOR with Ryan’s face hands a lemon to a CUSTOMER

with Ryan’s face.

- A TAXI DRIVER with Ryan’s face HONKS at Ryan for cutting

him off.

- A GAY COUPLE -- with matching Ryan faces and outfits --

kiss on a street corner.

EXT. HIP BAR - NIGHT

A queue snaking out -- many Ryan look-alikes in line. Ryan

approaches a BOUNCER.

BOUNCER

Back of the line, man.

RYAN

I only want one beer. One pitcher-

sized beer.

Ryan tries and fails to bypass the bouncer.

BOUNCER

Back of the line!

RYAN

But I’m -- I’m Ryan Reynolds!

BOUNCER

That’s what they all say.

EXT. FANCY SUSHI RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Ryan, his beard grizzly, lurks outside a restaurant. Inside,

he observes Blake, Lucian, Emma, and Phil on a double date.

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The two couples raise their wine glasses in a toast.

EXT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - GARAGE - NIGHT

Huge bags under his eyes, Ryan exits his car -- his Maserati

now covered in dents and missing both bumpers.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Ryan buries his head in a couch cushion. Turns his head

toward the coffee table.

On the table, the LIST he stole from Grebenschnikov.

INT. GREBENSCHNIKOV MEDICAL PRACTICE - HALLWAY - DAY

The hallway now piled high with boxes. Ryan hands Dr.

Grebenschnikov the list.

RYAN

The patient information I took.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Believe it or not, we do have other

copies.

RYAN

I meant it more as a gesture. And

what’s up with the boxes?

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

We’re switching offices. Our

clientele has recently grown.

RYAN

I’ve noticed.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY

The doctor at his desk. Ryan across from him.

RYAN

I need you to change my face, Dr.

Grebenschnikov.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Ryan, you stole classified

information --

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RYAN

That I returned five minutes ago!

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

That I also had multiple copies of.

RYAN

It was a gesture!

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

So you said.

RYAN

Don’t make me beg, doc.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Much as I’d enjoy that, my specialty

is turning people into Ryan

Reynolds. Not changing them back.

RYAN

Well, what if I paid you five

hundred -- no, a million dollars

for a new face?

The doctor shrugs.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Money’s not the issue. It’s

outside of my skill set. But Ryan,

there are many other plastic

surgeons who can easily --

RYAN

I want a new beginning, not a nose

job. And you’re the only doctor in

your field, right?

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Outside of North Korea, yes.

RYAN

Then you have to transform me.

The doctor studies Ryan -- his persistence is admirable.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Hmm. I do have something in the

works, but --

RYAN

You can help me?

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DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

It won’t be ready for a while.

RYAN

How long are we talking? Two

months? Three months? I can wait

three months.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

If everything goes as planned, a

year and a half.

RYAN

Okay, not ideal. And if everything

doesn’t go as planned?

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Hard to say.

RYAN

So, like, a few years?

Dr. Grebenschnikov solemnly shakes his head. Ryan sighs.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

For the foreseeable future, you’ll

have to stay Ryan Reynolds.

INT. MASERATI CONVERTIBLE - DAY

Hands on the wheel, the car in park, Ryan sits in silence,

staring at his reflection in the rearview mirror.

Suddenly, he collapses onto the wheel, BLARING the horn.

As the blaring fades, the screen goes

WHITE.

A TITLE OVER THE WHITENESS:

“ONE YEAR LATER“

EXT. MOVIE AWARDS - NIGHT

A red carpet pre-show. MARIO LOPEZ interviews Blake.

MARIO LOPEZ

And here we have the always

breathtaking, Blake Lively.

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BLAKE

Hey Mario.

MARIO LOPEZ

So tell me more about this new

book, Lively.

BLAKE

It’s a little project I’d been

working on for a while.

Mario chuckles.

MARIO LOPEZ

Well, that “little project“ also

happens to be a critically acclaimed

New York Times bestseller!

Blake smiles.

MARIO LOPEZ

And who is this handsome fellow?

NEXT TO HER: Lucian, in a crisp suit and scarf, nods politely.

BLAKE

My boyfriend, Lucian. He was the

person at Simon and Schuster who

convinced them to publish my

memoir.

Mario faces the camera.

MARIO LOPEZ

Talk about an office romance!

Blake Lively, everyone.

Blake and Lucian head off. Emma Watson and Phil approach

Mario, holding hands.

MARIO LOPEZ

Now here’s a power couple if I’ve

ever seen one! Phil Goodman and

Emma Watson, stars of the zombie

action romance hit, Do Not

Resuscitate.

INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

Ryan, his beard somehow bushier, watches the red carpet show

on TV. His depression has taken on an almost serene quality.

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MARIO LOPEZ (ON TV)

So Phil, how does it feel to be on

top of the world?

Ryan turns the TV off. He glances at some DIVORCE PAPERS on

his coffee table -- all unsigned.

INT. MASERATI CONVERTIBLE - DAY

Ryan pulls up in front of a BARNES AND NOBLE.

INT. BARNES AND NOBLE - NON-FICTION AISLE - DAY

Ryan wanders the non-fiction section to a table piled with

copies of Lively. Next to it, a cardboard cutout of Blake.

INT. CHECKOUT - DAY

Ryan at a register manned by the same WOMAN from his previous

Barnes and Noble trip. She gives Ryan a probing look.

Hey, aren’t you that dude from the

movies? Phil Goodman?

RYAN

No, I’m actually --

PHIL (O.S.)

Yeah, that’s me.

Ryan turns around. Behind him in line, Phil -- now with the

confidence and clothing of a movie star.

RYAN

Phil?

Phil squints at Ryan.

PHIL

Ryan?

INT. GRAMERCY APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

A gorgeous old-fashioned apartment overlooking Gramercy Park.

Phil shows Ryan around the wood-paneled living room.

RYAN

You’ve done well for yourself, Phil.

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PHIL

Being a world famous movie star has

its advantages.

RYAN

Clearly.

PHIL

So, are you going to read it?

RYAN

The memoir?

Ryan reflects on this for a moment.

RYAN

What do you think I should do?

PHIL

What do I think?

RYAN

Yeah.

PHIL

You’re asking me what I think you

should do.

RYAN

If that’s a problem --

PHIL

Just didn’t take you for the asking-

other-people-for-advice type.

Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t

already kicked my ass for riding

your face to the top.

RYAN

Don’t know what to tell you.

Phil regards Ryan -- he seems different. Not happy, by any

means. But different.

PHIL

If you read it, would that help you

move on?

RYAN

I -- I don’t know.

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PHIL

Oh. Well, you know, if you do read

it, Blake’s having a book release

party at the MoMA on Friday.

RYAN

For Lively?

Phil nods.

A door SHUTS off-screen. Emma enters and kisses Phil.

PHIL

Emma, we’ve got company.

He indicates Ryan.

EMMA

How do you -- Ryan Reynolds? Is

that you, Ryan?

RYAN

Hi Emma.

EMMA

Jesus, Ryan. You look awful.

RYAN

Nice to see you haven’t lost that

charming British wit.

Ryan stands.

RYAN

I should probably head out. Phil,

I appreciate the tour. Emma, as

always, it’s been a pleasure.

Ryan waves goodbye and heads out.

EMMA

Wow, he’s really gone downhill.

PHIL

Maybe, maybe not.

EMMA

Not maybe, Phil. Definitely. He

smells like Central Park.

INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - BEDROOM - NIGHT

In bed, Ryan holds his copy of Lively. He opens it.

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A MESSAGE ON THE DEDICATION PAGE:

“For all those who yearn to be lively.“

QUICK CUTS OF RYAN READING:

- Ryan reads a passage. His eyes widen in horror.

- Ryan wipes away tears as he finishes a chapter.

- Ryan, now halfway through the book, laughing hysterically.

- Ryan turns to the author bio page -- it includes a gorgeous

BLACK-AND-WHITE PORTRAIT of Blake.

- Book set aside, Ryan lies in bed, staring at the ceiling.

EXT. MOMA - NIGHT

Outside the MUSEUM OF MODERN ART, Ryan clutches a bouquet of

flowers. His suit, once perfectly fitted, now tight.

INT. MOMA - LOBBY - NIGHT

Ryan wanders past a modern art portrait of Blake. Frank and

Andrew Lin approach, phony smiles on their faces.

FRANK

Buddy! How are you?

ANDREW

Hello Ryan.

Ryan feigns politeness, his attention clearly elsewhere.

FRANK

You see the weekend numbers on Do

Not Resuscitate?

RYAN

The movie I was kicked off of?

ANDREW

Hope there aren’t any hard feelings.

You know how this business goes.

One day you’re captain of the ship,

and the next you’re a --

RYAN

A bearded guy at a party he wasn’t

invited to.

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Andrew forces an uncomfortable smile.

FRANK

Don’t know if you heard, but the

studio picked it up for a trilogy.

RYAN

That’s really great. Good for you.

FRANK

Was thinking maybe we can get you a

supporting role in the sequel.

RYAN

A supporting role?

FRANK

You betcha.

RYAN

In the sequel to Do Not Resuscitate.

FRANK

That’s right, kiddo.

RYAN

It’s kind of a funny story. Once

they changed the title from Untitled

Ryan Reynolds Zombie Action Romance

Project, I realized the movie was a

complete piece of shit.

Ryan walks away -- the departure so sudden neither Frank nor

Andrew can respond.

INT. BOOK PARTY ROOM - NIGHT

A who’s-who of entertainment types. DEADMAU5 DJs. Emma and

Phil sip whiskey cocktails in the corner.

EMMA

Deadmau5 laying down beats, Blue

Label on the house -- maybe I

should write a memoir.

PHIL

Okay. Afterwards, why don’t you

have a falling out with your parents

and develop a cocaine habit?

EMMA

I’m not above becoming a cliche.

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PHIL

I applaud you for staying grounded.

Emma pretends to be offended. Ryan walks toward them.

PHIL

Ryan! You came! I thought you

wouldn’t. But here you are.

RYAN

Here I am.

PHIL

I assume you read the memoir.

RYAN

I did.

EMMA

You read Blake’s memoir?

RYAN

Yeah.

EMMA

Why in bloody hell would you do

that?

RYAN

I had some free time.

PHIL

Emma, Ryan has taken the first step

in moving on.

EMMA

As if there’s a twelve-step program

for getting over Blake Lively.

PHIL

There’s a twelve-step program for

everything.

Ryan spots Blake leaving the room.

RYAN

I actually have to go. Enjoy the

party.

Ryan heads off toward Blake. Emma gives Phil a look.

EMMA

Call me crazy, but that doesn’t

look like moving on.

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INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Ryan finds Blake coming out of the women’s restroom.

BLAKE

Ryan?

RYAN

These are for you.

He holds the bouquet out for her. She doesn’t take it.

BLAKE

What are you doing here?

RYAN

I read your memoir.

BLAKE

Why did you read my memoir?

RYAN

I’m not sure. I wasn’t going to.

BLAKE

Ryan, why would you ever read my

memoir?

RYAN

I don’t know. But as soon as I

started, I had these... emotions.

All sorts of emotions. I cried.

And I laughed. And I did that

thing where you cry and laugh at

the same time. It was weird.

BLAKE

I can’t do this.

She heads off. But Ryan grabs her wrist, holding her back.

RYAN

There’s so much I should’ve told

you, Blake. So much I need to tell

you now.

BLAKE

There is no “now,“ Ryan. The only

time we’ve spoken in a year was

across a table next to our divorce

lawyers.

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RYAN

Yes, but -- Blake, I had to speak

to you. And, look, I know I lied

to you a few times.

BLAKE

A few?

RYAN

Okay, many times. And I know that

I was a terrible listener. That,

okay, that right now me talking

doesn’t exactly qualify as

listening. But I can listen later.

Blake looks away, uncomfortable.

RYAN

Baby, I love you. I never stopped

loving you.

She opens her mouth to respond, but a German voice interrupts.

LUCIAN (O.S.)

Could the author make her way to

the dance floor?

BLAKE

Ryan, I --

RYAN

Stay and talk to me. Please, Blake.

LUCIAN (O.S.)

Where are you, my dear?

BLAKE

I have to go.

Blake quickly departs.

INT. BOOK PARTY ROOM - NIGHT

Blake by his side, Lucian addresses an assembled crowd.

LUCIAN

A while back, Blake told me she

wasn’t a writer. Can you believe

that? Blake Lively, acclaimed

bestselling author, not a writer?

The audience chuckles. Ryan appears at the back of the room.

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LUCIAN

This memoir that we are here to

celebrate -- this wonderful portrait

of a strong, contemporary woman --

Lucian takes Blake by the hand. Ryan frowns.

LUCIAN

This is not your typical book

authored by a celebrity. No, this

isn’t something you buy to

ironically populate a coffee table.

More laughter from the audience.

LUCIAN

This memoir -- this is a historic

work. A text to be explored again

and again for years to come.

Blake blushes.

LUCIAN

And the woman behind this memoir --

she is a text any man would be

lucky to explore. So, my dear --

Lucian gets down on one knee, holds out a DIAMOND RING. The

air escapes from Ryan’s lungs.

LUCIAN

Will you allow me to read you...

forever?

A hush prevails over the room. Blake sees Ryan watching her.

For the briefest of seconds, they look at each other.

But Blake snaps out of it. She helps Lucian to his feet.

BLAKE

Of course, Lucian! Of course I do!

She faces the crowd, giddy.

BLAKE

I do!

Blake and Lucian kiss as the crowd CHEERS. Deadmau5 puts on

a loungey tune.

Ryan chucks his bouquet in a trash bin.

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EXT. MOMA - NIGHT

On a bench, Ryan knocks back a PBR. Phil approaches.

PHIL

You okay, man?

RYAN

What do you think.

Phil takes a seat next to Ryan.

PHIL

Ryan, this thing you’ve been going

through -- this was never about

getting the girl. I didn’t tell

you about this party so you could

try to win Blake back.

RYAN

Then why did you? To watch me

suffer?

PHIL

I just -- I thought it might help.

RYAN

Well, it didn’t.

PHIL

I’m sorry, Ryan.

RYAN

What do you know about love anyway?

A year ago you were screwing ugly

girls in the poor part of Brooklyn.

PHIL

Finding the love of my life doesn’t

qualify?

Ryan leers at Phil.

RYAN

You met Emma on an action movie,

Phil. Been there, done that. So

no, it doesn’t fucking qualify.

PHIL

And what about the fact that I’ve

seen over seven hundred romantic

comedies?

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RYAN

What about it.

PHIL

If this were about getting the

girl, you wouldn’t have had her to

begin with.

RYAN

Oh, yeah. Right.

PHIL

It is right, Ryan. It’s romantic

storytelling 101.

RYAN

You’re an idiot.

PHIL

And you’re two beers away from

being the next Hollywood tragedy.

RYAN

And you’re a -- a fucking stupid

idiot.

Phil gets up, visibly disappointed in Ryan.

PHIL

Ryan, I’d hoped you’d changed. I

really did. But at the end of the

day, you’re just an asshole with a

pretty face.

As Phil heads off, Ryan calls after him.

RYAN

Don’t forget my abs! I also have

pretty abs!

(quietly)

Or, I used to...

Ryan takes a big gulp of his PBR.

INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Ryan somberly watches a movie trailer for Green Lantern on

his iPad. IN THE TRAILER: Blake, her arms around Ryan.

BLAKE (ON TRAILER)

You have the ability to overcome

fear.

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Ryan sets his iPad aside and stares at his copy of Lively.

But his cellphone BUZZES, interrupting. He takes the call.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV (V.O.)

Ryan, it’s a miracle. An

unexpected breakthrough.

RYAN

Dr. Grebenschnikov?

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV (V.O.)

I thought the procedure would

require at least another year. But

then -- voila -- a breakthrough!

RYAN

That seems medically unsound.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV (V.O.)

It is unsound -- it’s a miracle!

RYAN

Well, what does this have to do

with me?

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV (V.O.)

Have you already forgotten the

million dollars you offered me for

a new face?

RYAN

I remember. I also remember you

saying you weren’t a greedy man.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV (V.O.)

Greed is one thing. But saying no

to that kind of money, Ryan? I’m

not an imbecile.

(then)

So, when can you come in?

Ryan considers this for a moment. Picks up his copy of

Lively. Flips to the DEDICATION:

“For all those who yearn to be lively.“

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV (V.O.)

Ryan? Are you still there?

RYAN

One second. Just going through my

schedule.

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Ryan rereads the dedication. Re-rereads it. A change in his

expression -- he seems determined, motivated, even inspired.

RYAN

Looks like I’m completely booked.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV (V.O.)

What about next week? I have an

opening Tuesday afternoon.

RYAN

Busy next week as well.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV (V.O.)

Then how about --

RYAN

Every other week too.

INT. NEW MEDICAL PRACTICE - DOCTOR’S OFFICE - SAME TIME

A sleek, modern office. Dr. Grebenschnikov hears a CLICK on

the other line of his office phone.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Suit yourself.

INT. CONSULTATION ROOM - DAY

The doctor checks on a patient with bandages and FLOWY HAIR.

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Some bruising’s to be expected at

this stage, Marta.

He removes the bandages from his receptionist, Marta. She

now has the face of KIM KARDASHIAN.

MARTA

How do I look, doctor?

DR. GREBENSCHNIKOV

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

BEGIN MONTAGE:

INT. THE REYNOLDS HOUSEHOLD - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Ryan picks up an old PBR can, tosses it in a RECYCLING BIN.

He reaches for a copyright law book, throws it out as well.

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INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

A NEW MIRROR hung up. Ryan grabs a bottle of shaving cream

and lathers up.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

Clean-shaven, Ryan opens a WORD DOCUMENT on his iPad and...

TYPES. His fingers fly across the touch screen.

INT. EXERCISE ROOM - DAY

In a heavy sweat, Ryan struggles to perform a crunch. But he

persists, completes his rep, and begins another.

INT. GARAGE - NIGHT

Ryan drags two garbage bags filled with beer cans past his

REPAIRED MASERATI.

He hoists the bags into a trash can.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Now spotless, completely reorganized. Ryan types on his iPad

into the late hours of the night.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

Ryan skims a hard copy of what he’s been writing, sets it

aside, and grabs the DIVORCE PAPERS.

He picks up a PEN.

END MONTAGE.

INT. SIMON AND SCHUSTER - HALLWAY - DAY

Ryan finds Blake and Lucian coming out of his office.

BLAKE

Ryan?

LUCIAN

What brings you to Simon and

Schuster?

Ryan hands Blake the divorce papers.

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RYAN

I know you need my signature. If

this is what you want, I’m not

going to stop you.

Ryan holds a VERY THICK MANUSCRIPT out to Lucian.

LUCIAN

What is that?

RYAN

A memoir.

BLAKE

Yours?

Ryan nods -- this astounds Blake.

LUCIAN

And you expect me to what -- read

this, let alone publish it?

RYAN

Not expect, but --

LUCIAN

Ryan, in what world, would I ever

publish your memoir?

RYAN

This one. I’m giving you your

closure, Lucian.

He motions to the divorce papers.

RYAN

Now give me mine.

LUCIAN

Closure? For you?

RYAN

Everyone deserves closure.

Blake takes in Ryan and his newfound determination.

BLAKE

Read it, Lucian.

LUCIAN

But Blake --

BLAKE

Just read it! For me.

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LUCIAN

Very well. The submission process

has a turnaround of six to eight

months so --

BLAKE

Lucian.

She crosses her arms.

LUCIAN

So, I will go through it now.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

On opposite ends of a conference table, Blake and Ryan wait.

RYAN

Blake, there’s something I have to

say to you.

BLAKE

What is it, Ryan?

RYAN

All those times I lied about what

was going on --

BLAKE

Forget it. It’s in the past.

RYAN

No. I have to tell you.

BLAKE

Tell me what?

RYAN

I -- I’m sorry.

BLAKE

You’re... sorry?

RYAN

Yeah. For everything.

Blake is shocked -- she never thought he’d apologize.

BLAKE

Ryan.

RYAN

Yes.

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BLAKE

Thank you.

Ryan and Blake exchange smiles. A happy, quiet moment.

Until... Lucian appears at the door, his face solemn.

RYAN

Did you read it?

LUCIAN

I did.

A lengthy tense silence.

RYAN

And... what did you think?

Lucian extends his hand for a handshake.

LUCIAN

Congratulations, Ryan. You are

Simon and Schuster’s newest author.

Ryan shakes Lucian’s hand. Blake beams.

INT. BARNES AND NOBLE - EVENT ROOM - DAY

In front of an unseen audience, a podium with a microphone.

A TITLE SUPERIMPOSED:

“The Not So Distant Future“

Lucian makes his way to the podium.

LUCIAN

If you have not purchased a copy of

the book, a reminder: all profits

will be donated to the

Grebenschnikov Group.

Lucian points to Dr. Grebenschnikov, who stands nearby.

LUCIAN

Since founding the group a few

months ago, Dr. Grebenschnikov and

his associates have devoted

countless hours to providing

disfigured children with the faces

they always deserved.

The audience applauds. The doctor waves and takes a seat.

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INT. BACKSTAGE HALL - SAME TIME

The audience applause echoes through. Ryan waits with Blake,

Phil, and Emma.

RYAN

Appreciate you all coming. Even

you, Emma.

EMMA

We’re friends, right?

Ryan HUGS Emma, answering her question. Blake watches this,

stunned by Ryan’s transformed personality.

BLAKE

Ryan, I can’t get over it -- you’re

like a completely different person.

RYAN

People change.

BLAKE

Seriously. I barely recognize you.

Blake gives Ryan an encouraging smile.

LUCIAN (O.S.)

And now, the man you have all been

waiting for -- Ryan Reynolds!

PHIL

That’s your cue.

Ryan takes a deep breath.

RYAN

Here goes nothing.

INT. EVENT ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Amid audience applause, Ryan replaces Lucian at the podium.

RYAN

Thanks, Lucian. And thank you to

everyone here for showing up today.

Ryan clears his throat, collects himself.

RYAN

I know what you’re thinking.

“Another actor-turned-writer. Just

what this planet needs.“

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Chuckles from the audience.

RYAN

I thought the same thing. But I

realized I had a story to tell.

And if anyone had a problem with

that, fuck ’em.

More laughter. Ryan gestures to a giant BOOK COVER POSTER.

ON IT, IN AN ELEGANT FONT:

I AM RYAN REYNOLDS

Ryan Reynolds

RYAN

Before writing this book, I went

through a ton of crap. To say I

was knee-deep in it would’ve been

an understatement.

Dr. Grebenschnikov nods in agreement.

RYAN

But as I wrote down those

experiences, as I relived them,

something happened. I stopped

blaming others for my problems, and

I emerged from that crap with a

sense... of renewal.

OFF TO THE SIDE, Emma whispers to Phil.

EMMA

God, he’s really laying it on

thick.

PHIL

I don’t know -- I kind of like it.

She eyes Phil skeptically. He kisses her on the cheek.

BACK WITH RYAN, his voice lowers, intensifying.

RYAN

This book was never about me.

Whatever you’re doing on this big

floating orb, you can’t do it by

yourself. Believe me. I tried.

Blake watches at the back of the room next to Lucian.

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RYAN

You see, as corny as it sounds, if

you can’t love other people, how

can you love yourself? And no, I’m

not talking about loving what you

see in the mirror. Although, yeah,

that can also be pretty awesome.

No, I’m talking about real self-

acceptance.

Blake hangs on to Ryan’s every word, enthralled.

RYAN

Because only when you acknowledge

other people and listen to them and

genuinely appreciate them -- only

then can you face the world and

declare, “I am who I am. And I’m

fucking psyched about that.“

Ryan closes his eyes.

RYAN

So, with that, I say...

He pauses dramatically. Opens his eyes.

RYAN

I am Ryan Reynolds.

Suddenly... CLAPPING. And more clapping. And more.

The crowd on its feet.

Finally, they are revealed: an ENTIRE AUDIENCE OF RYAN

REYNOLDS LOOK-ALIKES -- each more moved than the next.

RYAN

Thanks again for coming. Hope you

enjoy the book.

Beyond the clapping look-alikes, he catches Blake’s eyes.

Blake smiles at Ryan. Ryan smiles at Blake.

EXT. BARNES AND NOBLE - DAY

Ryan approaches his Maserati -- the PASSENGER SIDE.

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INT. MASERATI CONVERTIBLE - CONTINUOUS

In the passenger seat, he looks at the driver -- this is the

REAL RYAN REYNOLDS. Meaning... the SPEAKER was a LOOK-ALIKE.

RYAN

Were they convinced? Hope the

speech wasn’t too cheesy.

SPEAKER LOOK-ALIKE

Trust me, Ryan. They bought it.

RYAN

All of them? Even Blake?

SPEAKER LOOK-ALIKE

Even Blake.

Ryan hands the look-alike a LARGE, THICK ENVELOPE. The

speaker glances inside -- it’s filled with CASH.

SPEAKER LOOK-ALIKE

Thanks again for this opportunity.

RYAN

And you’re sure you’re up for it?

SPEAKER LOOK-ALIKE

You serious? Of course I am!

RYAN

Because there’s no going back --

from now on, you’re Ryan Reynolds.

The speaker nods -- he likes the sound of that.

SPEAKER LOOK-ALIKE

But what are you going to do?

RYAN

Was thinking of heading north.

SPEAKER LOOK-ALIKE

Canada?

The faintest grin appears on Ryan’s face.

EXT. BARNES AND NOBLE - DAY

The speaker look-alike waves goodbye to Ryan, as the Maserati

disappears down Park Avenue.

Blake, Phil, Lucian, and Emma meet up with the look-alike.

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BLAKE

Wow, Ryan. That was some speech.

PHIL

Absolutely incredible.

EMMA

Yeah, not too shabby.

LUCIAN

Indeed.

They pat the look-alike on the back, congratulate him, etc.

SPEAKER LOOK-ALIKE

Hey, anybody hungry? I could go

for a meal right about now.

The others nod in agreement. And the group heads off.

INT. MASERATI CONVERTIBLE - DAY

Convertible top down, hair blowing in the wind, Ryan speeds

down a quiet road, the New York cityscape in the background.

Ryan sees his reflection in the rearview mirror. He smiles.

CUT TO BLACK.

THE END

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